


Gravity

by Alexwritesfics



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, dialogue-heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5209412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexwritesfics/pseuds/Alexwritesfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas sees Edward again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> _"Something always brings me back to you/It never takes too long/No matter what I said I'd do/I'll still feel you here/ 'Til the moment I'm gone"_  
>     
>  
> 
> Woah, this is angsty. Here you go, my first Thomward attempt...! Sorry if it's not that great but I'm still working out what's best for how I personally write this ship dynamic. It's strange - since I'm a multi-shipper and love Thomward - that I haven't written a single fic for them yet, so I thought I'd give it a go. I'm sure this scenario's been done before, and has probably been done better, but I couldn't get something like this out of my head.
> 
> Title and lyrics from a song called "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles.

'It... hurt a great deal less than I thought it would.'

'Strange. It was the same for me, from what I can remember now.'

'I wish you hadn't had to do that. I was never able to process it properly. They never... They never gave me the time. It's strange, you know? I've been thinking about it more and more these days.'

'I wish you hadn't had to do it, either. I... wished for a lot of things. For me. For you. For the world.'

'...Is it over?'

'Depends, really. They're almost there, you know. It depends whether they can get to you in time.'

'P-Perhaps that was the plan after all, eh? Perhaps I didn't want- N-No, I _did,_ I _did_ want this. I chose this.'

'It's too late to turn back now. Whatever will be, will be.'

'...Are you lonely here?'

'There's all sorts of people this side of things. That's a comfort to me. I've connected with more people in death than I ever did in life.'

'So I won't be lonely... If they don't get to me in time?'

'I'm here, Thomas. And I'm always going to be here.'

'Have you been waiting for me...? Or is that just wishful thinking?'

'I missed you. But half of me wishes it didn't have to be like this. You didn't have to go so soon.'

'Neither did you. And really, there's no place for me there anymore - It's time.'

'...Well, like I said, whatever will be, will be.'

'...I... I can hear them. As if I was still alive.'

'...So can I. There's hope for you yet.'

'-I don't want there to be.' _Not now I'm finally with you again._

'I don't think we have much of a choice in the matter.'

'It's... It's not fair, I _chose_ this for myself! I might not even be able to have _this!_ And you... I-I won't see you again.'

'Hush, now. Don't sound so sad. You'll get _life,_ Thomas. You won't have to give it all up. You'll get breathing lungs and a beating heart.'

'But what is there to breathe for? What's the bloody point?'

'Well, you have two friends outside of that door and one of them's preparing to kick it down just to get to you.'

'They're just doing their duty. No self-respecting human being would let someone die, no matter how much of bastard the dying person was.'

'They don't think you're a bastard. And they care, Thomas.'

'What does caring matter! I cared about you...' _I cared so much that it hurt. It ached for years after you were gone from my life._

'And I can't thank you enough. I didn't know just how much you cared until I was gone. You'll find that too, if you stay or if you go. People _do_ care.'

'They just feel _guilt,_ a-and _pity._ And I don't want their bloody pity.'

'It's more than that.'

'Caring's not enough. It's over, Edward. I'm done. I have no way out. I want to leave Downton Abbey, I want to leave the whole fucking world behind. I-I... I want to be with you instead.'

'Don't be silly. You... You hardly knew me. I'm not worth that much.'

'Th-The voices are getting louder... G-God, why won't they just leave me be?'

'Because they want you to be safe.'

'Stop! Stop! I thought it was finally over... They won't leave things as they are. Always fucking meddling in my private affairs, th-they won't even let me _die_ by myself... I just want to be here with you now, Edward! I just...'

The voices were getting louder - Phyllis and Andy to the rescue, _damn_ them, _bless_ them. Thomas bit his lip, body wracked with sobs as he took in the sight of Lieutenant Edward Courtenay, uniformed and clear-eyed, the person he'd been dreaming of years after the war ended.

'You couldn't have loved me,' Edward said with a sad little smile.

'Edward...' The image was beginning to fade.

'...Did you love me?'

_'Always.'_


End file.
